Fruit salads.

I don't mean to brag, but I'm married to a pretty great guy.  As I was reflecting on that fact earlier today, I realized I need to add the caveat, 'for me.'  I'm married to a pretty great guy for me.  I don't mean like I'm a 6 and my spouse is an 8 so I married 'up', I mean he and I are a really good match. I can think of a few people that would be absolutely miserable hitched to him.  For starters, he's pretty dang anti-social; unless he's gotten to know you, then he's the life of the party.  The trick is letting you actually get to know him.  I have plenty of social butterfly friends for which that would be a deal breaker.  Secondly, he's ridiculously tall.  This makes dancing, skiing, and skating a thing of the past for me.  I can only dance a song or two with him before my neck starts hurting because I have to tilt my head way back in order to look at him when we're that close.  He has pretty much refused to ski or skate because, as he puts it, he "looks like Lurch" on skates or in ski boots.  Another possible deal breaker for someone.  So, he's not without his shortcomings.  I say this preemptively for the story I'm about to tell.

My daughter announced the other night at dinner that she wants to marry a man just like her dad, but that it probably won't happen because her dad is perfect and there's no men in her generation that could measure up to how great he is.  She continued on about how lucky I am to have a husband like him.  I agreed (because I do agree) but then I asked her why I should be considered 'lucky'?  Didn't I  deserve that?  She gave me the guilt-ridden, obligatory, "you're a great catch too, mom"  but then continued to gush about her dad.  He cooks, he's handy around the house, he's got a good job so he can take care of his family, he's handsome, he's funny, he loves his wife and kids, he likes animals, he's a good athlete.... this girl had a list!  I realized that she sees KC through my rose-colored glasses and that worried me.  It's taken 20+ years to get my rose-colored tint just right.  This shit didn't just happen.  It's taken a lot of work and commitment on both our parts.  Behind-the-scenes arguments over the years that our kids never saw.  Compromises that were made after they went to bed.  Frustrations, tears, anger - these are the things that we went through but that made our relationship stronger.  She didn't see that - she just saw her parents got along all the time with, what seemed, little effort.  On one hand, I'm glad that my kids were raised in a home that they felt safe and knew their parents loved each other and them; on the other hand, I'm worried we made it look too easy and have set them, especially my list-making daughter, up for failure because they didn't see the effort that it sometimes took (and at times, still takes!)  I love that KC is the yardstick for which Dear Daughter will measure her future suitors.  The problem is she is using her dad today, not her dad 20 years ago, and that is really an apples to oranges comparison.  Her dad was great and all 20 years ago but he was far from the perfect designation we would give him today.  (I know what you're thinking and trust me, I realize and publicly acknowledge that I've also come a long way over the years.)  There's no way any boy can live up to the KC that would be considered today's oranges but he might be able to measure up to the younger, apple version KC.  The problem is how do we get Dear Daughter to believe apples turn into oranges without her settling for a lemon.